Fiercely pursing Jesus

Chasing, Clinging, Focusing
Pursuing Jesus this year.  Fiercely.  Passionately.  Relentlessly.  Having known Christ for over 13 years...  sometimes following at more of a distance than I care to admit.  Digging to the Word.  Praying without ceasing.  Fasting for the first time.  Growing in faith.  Keeping our eyes (hearts, minds) focused on things of Heaven.

Daily
Dropping some school lessons and replacing them with Bible lessons.  Focusing on love, character, and community.  Service.  Boldly following Christ and The Spirit wherever they lead. Being misunderstood.  Confounding family and friends with our choices.  (not unlike Jesus)

Home
Joyously. Knowing this place is not our home.  Feeling out of place in this world... but in line with His will for us.  Feeling Him moving... knowing something is in the works. One step at a time.  Obedience is rewarded with another peek.  A bit more of His plan unveiled.  Excited to see how He wraps up and orchestrates all things.  Wanting to move with Him, work with Him, give up to Him and not stand in His way. Rather, follow The Way, The Truth, and The Life.  Knowing, trusting.  As good (and content) as we were with things... it's always better wherever He leads you.  Following the Pillar of Fire.

Praying.  Decided.  Having peace.

Big changes in store for us... one step at a time.

Hard

Life is never simple.  6 days after my last post, my dad passed away.  It's been 3.5 months.  Some days it is easier to bear than others.  The kids and home life keep me busy, but the hole and  the grief is still there.  It's always the odd moments when the reality of his death sneaks up on me, thundering like a wave and threatening to knock me off my feet.  

Often, it's something the kids say.  Or I'll burst into tears when I'm in the shower.  Or when I know my mom needs help and it's just not something we can do.  

I thought I was doing 'okay' when my husband's grandma when into the hospital.  She's getting on in years and is poor health at the best of times, so it was unsurprising when she was hospitalized.  At the same city hospital we took my dad.  And then she got worse.  Like my dad.  And ended up in ICU with pneumonia.  Like my dad.  We went up to be with the family and see her.  She was in the room right beside the one where my father died.  

Walking past the same nurses, the familiar sounds and smells.  It was just too much.  Walking past his room.  It took my breath away.  It was as if we were right back there going through it all again.  Making the decision at his bedside to turn off life support when nothing further could be done.  Keeping him tethered to this world  when we all knew the world that awaited him on the other side was so much better.  Sitting there as his breathing and pulse slowed.  And slowed.  And slowed some more.  Until it ceased.  Explaining to the kids.  Walking up to the casket for the first time... and the last.  Clinging to my brother as we cried at the end of the funeral.  Full military honors at the cemetery.  The presenting of the flag.  And the aching emptiness that follows.  

Trusting the Lord through it all, in spite of the heartache.  Or perhaps because of it.  Knowing His promises are true, His time perfect, and His love everlasting.  Seeing Him work in our lives (and the lives of others) in our darkest hour.  I'm not used to being on the receiving end of the prayers, the support, the help and outpouring of love that the Church shows to the hurting.  I much prefer to be the one giving.  It is an experience to learn from.  Humbling.  Growing us.  The breaking of our hearts.  The breaking of the mold.  Being remade and renewed.  Coming out on the other side.  

Deep breath.  It's nearly spring.  Creation is waking from it's rest.  A quiet time.  Ecclisiastes 3:1-4 says, 

 "There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

     a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to plant and a time to uproot,
     a time to kill and a time to heal,
    a time to tear down and a time to build,
     a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance"

I am looking forward to dancing.

Giving Thanks

Giving thanks to the Lord of All.  All He has given us.  These 3 amazing, crazy, beautiful children.  Their bright eyes, kind hearts, dirty hands, loud voices, and all.  Our safe home.  Warm with the wood stove, cozy with lamps and warm blankets, inviting with smells of home-cooked meals, and lived-in with it's familiar clutter.  My husband; who is more than my best friend and partner.  Who's hand fits perfectly with mine.

Sun shining during a Michigan November.

 Prayers and love and support during trying times.  Modern medicine and hospitals.  My father, always my biggest fan, biggest supporter, and strongest person I know.  My turn to be strong when he cannot be, sit with him through chemo - cancer - and uncertain times.  Hugs from friends nearby emails and texts from those for away.  Family who the Lord chose for us and friends who are like family.  Community.

A Savior.  Him, whose love shines all the brighter when the darker moments of life threaten to overwhelm us.  His grace... extending, circling, giving peace in all circumstances.  Being the rock when life seems so precarious.


Happy Thanksgiving
~jill

Lovely Messes

My house is a mess.  There are baskets of clean, folded clothes on the floor.  Dirty dishes on the counter.  Bits of yarn, thread, and fabric strewn about.Grass and mud tracked across the floor.  Blessings, all of it.  We are blessed enough to have more clothes than the ones we are wearing.  I have strong arms and a strong back to carry the laundry to the washer and out to the clothesline.  But I have 3 lovely little distractions that keep me from actually putting the freshly laundered items back in their drawers.  Dirty dishes mean we have been feed.  Our bellies are not empty and neither is our pantry.  We've prepared meals together and sat down to enjoy them together, as a family.  But the mess can wait because little hands tug at my clothes and small voices beg for my attention.  The fabric and notions... tangible bits of creativity.  Accomplished during naptime and after bedtime.  Blessings.  I don't mind the dirty floor.  It means we have a yard.  A sanctuary for the kids to go out, explore, have an adventure.  The mud and grass comes in on little (and not so little) shoes as they share their tales and excitement.  Blessed.  We are the stewards of this patch of earth.  These three children.  My husband.

Tilled

My almost-brother-in-law (he's really my SIL fiance') came over Sunday after church to till our garden.  He increased the size for me and it's nearly double what it had been in previous years.  There it is.  Fresh dirt, green grass around, our little maple tree that grew up in the middle.  You can see our woods out back behind the garden.  (the woods have become the children's favorite new place to play.  they're finding the magic in creation)  The front right corner (that you cannot see) is my little herb garden.

So... as I sit in the house on this windy day with my sore throat and full sinuses ... I dream.  Of my hands in the dirt.  Rows and rows of tomatoes and peppers, popcorn and sunflowers, cukes and onions, potatoes, carrots, and garlic...mmmmmm.  The children chasing the chickens and the dog chasing the children.  Sunshine and laughter in the air.

Art

I cannot do everything.  :)  (surprise!)  To me, an important thing about homeschooling is taking an honest look at myself, my skills, and my abilities; knowing where I fall short and supplementing the kids' education in those areas.  I'm not an artist.  I like to take part in crafty endeavors.  I'm on pinterest.  (isn't everyone?!)  But even after all that, I'm not an artist.  Knowing that, I decided to enroll Carlie in art at the local museum where they offer classes once a week for homeschoolers.  She was nervous for me to leave her... but she was incredible!  They learned all about tapestries and started to learn the basics of weaving.  (since embroidery is her favorite craft at home, this was perfect for her!!)  She left the class all smiles.  And she made a friend.  Even better.  Now we're all looking forward to next week.  :)  (and this momma can breathe a little easier next time knowing carlie is okay going off by herself to class for few hours)  

This handsome guy keeps me company while Carlie is in class.  It's he great!?  Such a personality on this kid.  :)

Going up

Over the past two weeks we've been putting up the playscape for the kids.  It was given to us a few years back, but life happened and we never had a chance to get it up.  But, God's timing is perfect.  The kids are the perfect age to enjoy it now!  I admit, the playscape is huge and as the mom... it scares me a bit to see my little folks scampering all over it.  But, once it's all assembled it'll be safe for everyone.  (and maybe I'll breathe a easier!)

Jack helping out.  :)

Bruce working hard.

Carlie on the slide.  (the 'scared face' was just for effect.  she's my little actress.)  :)

Scampering about.

My little helper chewing on my camera strap.  :)  (notice her white-blonde hair?!?!)

Changes

The little sugar plum is 6 months old already!  Already!  Where did 1/2 a year go???  She went from this teeny sleepy thing to this noisy girl with grabby hands and a great big smile.  (grabbing hair, spoons, toys, etc)

So busy.  Began homeschooling the oldest in January.  It's an adjustment... but so wonderful.  Carlie went from being anxious, crying each day, hating school back to our happy and cheerful girl.  Big blessings.  The public school was far behind, so we're playing catch up.  Even doing school a few hours a day, most days of the week we are doing more than she ever did in 7 hrs a day in a classroom.  (the benefits of not having 30 kids in a room and spending 1/2 the day waiting in line)  The boy will finish up pre-school and then do kindergarten at home.  They only offer full day kdg next year and I don't think that's the way to go (not for him). 

Some days I feel so on top of things...other days I feel like I'm hardly staying afloat.  That's normal, right?!  I accomplished more before 8 am today than I do on most days.  I'm trying not to squander the rest of the day on the internet or with my nose in a book.  My big goal for the afternoon:  fix the chicken coop.  There are some holes under the fence (those hens love to dig!) and it won't be safe for the new baby chicks we bought.  Carlie and Jack's goal for the afternoon:  walk to the store across the road and buy donuts!  Ha!  I'm pretty sure we can manage that...

Speaking of donuts... here is a 6 months post-baby picture of me.  My lovely sis-in-law knitted the cowl for me.  

Resting in his arms

Watching Summer sleep in her papa's arms, I'm struck by something.  She's so calm and peaceful in his arms.  Always.  Bruce has always been able to calm our babies when they're crying, upset, not content.... and when I'm beyond frustrated.  He's like that everyone... not just with out children, not just with me.  He's that strong, stable, peaceful presence.  He doesn't frazzle easily and handles stress with ease (reasons why he made such a good firefighter).  I am so proud, so thankful to have him as my husband.  He's a great example of how our Heavenly Father is always there for us... unconditionally... to hold us so we can rest...and be at peace.

Thankfulness

I considered writing a post for Thanksgiving (even the slacker sometimes-bloggers like myself try to recognize the holidays!).  Instead, I'm posting what Carlie wrote for her second grade assignment.

"I'm thankful for my family so I have people to snugle and love.  I'm thankful for books so I can read and bekum a better reader.  I'm thankful for music so I can practice songs.  I'm thankful for my church so I can larn learn about God.  I'm thankful for Summer my baby sister Summer so I have a baby sister to play with.  I'm thankful for Jesus so I can worship and prays praise him.  I'm thankful for my house so I have protection."

I couldn't have said it better.
Happy Thanksgiving!

1 month of Summer

Sweet Miss Summer Grace made her entry into the world on October 8th just minutes after midnight.  Over 40 weeks of pregnancy, 3 hours of labor, and she was here.  Finally.   

It's been an eventfully month... Jack had his first 2 field trips (which I had to miss, but his dad had the opportunity to go with him!)... the Fall Festival (walk-a-thon) at the elementary...her first days at church and youth group...the children's church trip to the zoo... Halloween... whew.  

Discovering her skin is too sensitive for disposable wipes and diapers so we started using the cloth diapers much earlier than expected.  (lots of laundry!)  Breastfeeding.  Rediscovering my love for our babyhawk baby carrier.  Remembering why I hate the infant carseats.  

The joy in watching the interaction between the older children and teeny one.  Amazing.  So much love there.  

Her name suits her personality: sweet, warm, content, easy going, sunny.  

Completely in love...

Pantry Prep

I'm part of a group on facebook called, "Riot for Austerity".  It's about using less resources, being frugal, buying new, going without and doing this differently.  (not that I'm very good at this!)  One of the recent questions posed by the group moderator was "how is your winter pantry shaping up?"  Normally, I try to grow a lot of our food, find things we don't grow or raise at our local markets or through individual farmers.  I can, dehydrate, freeze, etc.  Cook my own instead of buying processed junk.  I enjoy it.  I feel like I'm providing quality for my family.  Our children are learning where their food comes from, how it grows, what the meat we eat looks like when it's still in a pasture!  They're learning to cook at a young age (instead of their late 20s, like me).  They think I make the best bread, pizza crust, and tortillas in the world!  (only because they're fresh, I'm sure)

I've been trying to inventory our pantry and freezer and it's not as good as I had hoped.  Not to make excuses, but this pregnancy has been kinda tough.  I've been put on a modified bedrest a few times, instructed not to go out in the heat and humidity (too many contractions), etc.  It made getting out in the garden nearly impossible when temps were in the 90s and bedrest meant no canning the tomatoes when it was time.  (I asked the OB, I was told 'absolutely not') 

So, this how things are shaping up for us.  Good things:  our freezer is packed full of local meat (lamb and chicken), local berries (strawberries and blueberries), sweet corn, and peppers.  (the freezer sits on our outside porch and takes nearly no energy to run during the winter... we make up for it during warm summer months) 

Okay things:  I canned crushed tomatoes, peaches, jam, and pickled hot peppers... but not enough.   (I would have been closer if I hadn't been put on bedrest during this pregnancy) 

Better Luck next year:  Our potato crop was a bust... and our popcorn didn't do so hot, either.  Luckily, we still have a lot of leftover popcorn (it's a big source of snacks and lunches for us). 

In progress:  I found a local source for oats I need to call on and we have some wheat berries stored.  I'm sure we need more local honey and maple syrup.  (trying to phase out processed white sugar)  I'll have to pick those up at the market when I stock up on apples (to dry, store, and sauce), carrots, potatoes and butternut squash (which I can't grow to save my life!). 

But, our 3rd child is due any day now so some things are going to have to wait!

*still*

I am still pregnant.  The doctor didn't think I would make it past Friday.  It's Tuesday and I'm still pregnant.  I'm 38 weeks... only 2 weeks til my due date.  Jack was born right at 38 weeks and he was a big guy (8 1/2 pounds).  I don't think I want our girl to get much bigger than that!  She seems to be a patient baby... calm and gentle so far (not a hyper baby in-utero)... we'll see if that continues once she truly arrives.  Because seriously, I cannot be pregnant forever.  Right?!?!?!  (although it feels that way right now)  I have another check up tomorrow, let's see how that goes.

I know how hard life will be... no sleep, constant feedings, the big kids waking the baby.  I know how great it'll be...sweet baby smell... snuggles...a precious new life.  I'm eager to stop gaining weight.  My yoga mat misses me.  It's getting chilly, my feet are cold... I need shoes (real shoes!) to fit again...and jackets that do up!  I won't miss the heartburn.  I long for the day I can keep my emotions and hormones in check!  (no more crying, less yelling.  Irritable??  Who, me!?)

Soon.  Deep breath and repeat:  I will not be pregnant forever.

Not long now...

36 weeks... not long to go now.  The doctors hope I can last another week (they don't think I'll make it anywhere near my due date, but that's no surprise.).

Although the picture is relatively flattering... here are a few things I will not miss:
*My ginormous belly.  I'd much rather hold my baby in my arms than have her sit on my bladder.
*My ginormous rear-end that matches the belly.  Because, you know, it's all about balance.
*Peeing 87 times a day.  It's a little much.
*Pregnancy insomnia.  Can't fall asleep, wake up all night long, can't fall back asleep, get up at 4 am because, hey!  Why not. 
*Having my very big, very low belly hang out of every shirt I own (maternity, or otherwise).
*Only wearing flipflips.  It's getting chilly and my feet are cold.  And a girl likes more options when it comes to footwear.  Something other that dirty green flipflops.
*Having everyone ask how I feel.  Because clearly, I don't feel that great.  I have daily contractions, I've already visited the hospital, I've been dilated (to some degree) for weeks, I pee 87 times a day, I can't reach my own feet, I can't bend over, I can't sleep... do I need to continue?
*Waddling.  I hate waddling.  It's embarrassing.
*Having everyone (friends and strangers alike) say either: "You're so big!  Are you sure it isn't twins?" or "Are you still pregnant?  It's been forever!"  Yes, obviously I'm still pregnant.  (notice the waddling?) and I know how long it has been.  Trust me.  But it's still a month early.
*Not being able to do anything by myself.  I don't like asking for help, but I can no longer push mow the yard, clean out the chicken coop, or lift a 25 lb bag of dog food.


I'm ready to be done.  The very end of pregnancy is hard.  It's exhausting.  It makes you tired and emotional and cranky.  I'm looking forward to holding our new daughter and learning her personality.  Seeing what color eyes she has.  And if she has her dad's mouth, or mine.  I want to start working out again... and wear normal clothes.  I want Jack to feel like a big brother.  And for Carlie to know what it's like to have a sister.  *sigh*  Not much longer...

Day 5...

From a Low Angle...

(photo:  my brother's shoes... he (along with my hubby and my dad) acted as ushers at my brother-in-law's wedding this weekend.)

We spent Saturday at my brother-in-law's wedding.  It was an honor and a blessing to be part of their day.  I am constantly reminded of how blessed and truly fortunate my husband and I are... not only do we live fairly close to our families... but our families get along.  Holidays, weddings, birthdays, births, are events for our entire family.  My parents and my little brother...Bruce's parents and his 3 sisters and his brother, plus our niece and nephew.  Now, we have a new sister-in-law. 

Our families (those we are born into and those we choose) can serve as reminders of the Lord's unconditional, forever Love for His children. 

The 'Jesus Storybook Bible' puts it this way: 'You see, no matter what, in spite of everything, God would love his children - with a Never Stopping, Never Giving Up, Unbreaking, Always and Forever Love.'

Day 5 From a High Angle

Bounty

The kids and I took a trip to the large farmers market in the city on Thursday.  We came home with all this!  10 lbs of blueberries, a dozen ears of corn, 2 lbs of raw honey, a few carrots and zucchini.  Wowzers, what a haul.  The Lord sure is good to us (His children, not just our family in particular).  I bought most everything from these beautiful Mennonite women.  I love their simple, kind, and hardworking spirits.  I always try to buy from them (it helps that they have the best produce!). 

I wanted to go pick blueberries this year, but with the heat and my progressing pregnancy - it just wasn't an option.  I was filled with joy to find this giant box of blueberries for the same price as the you-pick-it.  The berries and corn were promptly processed and froze to be enjoyed over the winter.  God is good, all the time.

Photo Challenge Days 3 & 4

 CLOUDS...DAY 3

 

 

 

Clouds... after spending the day working the small town farmers market, we (me and my mom) went back to my mom and dad's house.  We shared dinner... the kids played in the yard...I got to spend time with their adorable puppy.  Bruce came by after a long day at work to start cutting up a tree that fell in a spring storm.  We'll use the wood for heat this winter.  It was a long, but beautiful summer day.

SOMETHING GREEN...DAY 4

Green.  We found this great big snapping turtle just down the road from my parents' house. Let's call him Earl.  Earl was huge... and a bit angry.  The kids wouldn't come within 10 feet of him.  :)  (they love turtles, frogs, and such... but they had never been around a snapper and they were warned how dangerous and aggressive they can be)  My dad carried Earl across the road to the wetlands where he (the turtle, not my dad) swamp away to live happily ever after.  Well, happier than if we left him in the road to be hit by a car... turtle populations continue to shrink (due to polluted habitats, car/turtle collisions, and other mishaps with humans and predators)... at the current rate of decline, my grandchildren may never see a live turtle in the wild.  (these are old facts... hopefully they change for the better)

Day 2 - What I'm Wearing

photo taken by Carlie (age 7)  Me - 31 weeks pregnant standing in front of our mulberry bush.

Okay, I feel a little silly about doing this item of the 30 Day Photo Challenge.  Sadly, it falls on laundry day... and I have a total of 3 shirts that actually cover my entire pregnant belly.  This is shirt #3.  :)  The other 2 are in the wash.  Monday is my big cleaning day, so I don't really dress up for the occasion.  If you were to show up at my house any day of the week, this is probably how you would find me.  Or I might have a ponytail or an apron...

From the top down:
Purple and green paisley scarf on my head (from the resale shop across the road)
Giant Sunglasses my husband can't stand (from Target last year)
Purple Maternity Tank Top (Target... and the stain on the front is just water.... I had just finished washing dishes)
Gray Comfy Pants with Pockets (again, from Target... but not maternity)
Brown Teva Sandals (my favorite shoes... from Amazon.com)
Basket... I think it belonged to my mom.  I honestly don't remember.  Sometimes I use the basket the farmers market in my display.  I used it today to fill with cut herbs from the garden. Oregano, sage, and calendula... all hanging to dry in my kitchen.
Baltic Amber Necklace (etsy)  This is the coolest thing I'm wearing.  I wear it every.single.day.  No matter what.  Baltic Amber has been used for centuries throughout Europe in infant jewelry, commonly called teething necklaces.  The amber is a resin, not a stone.  It warms with your body heat and releases a compound called succinic acid which acts as an analgesic.  It's certainly not as strong as taking tylenol or another drug, but it's a natural remedy that can bring some mild pain relief.  I wear it because I have chronic neck pain and neck muscle spasms.  Before I was pregnant I was taking muscle relaxers  (along with doing yoga and other stretching) to help get things under control.  Now I wear my amber necklace.  Is it a miracle cure?  Of course not.  I was quite skeptical when I purchased it (but I thought it was cute anyway).  I bought my mom a bracelet to wear to help with her arthritis.  Since she started wearing it, the swelling/pain/heat in her wrist is much improved. 

taken by Jack age 4 - because he had to use the camera and take a picture of mom, too

30 Day Photo Challenge

This looks like lots of fun.   I found it over at Abigail's wonderful and inspiring blog, Shine On Child.  (I can't remember the 'official sponsor, but she has the link) I'm going to give it a go (against my better judgment)... and see if I can manage to keep up with it.  With only 2 months to go in my pregnancy and school starting up in just over a month, this feels like a big commitment.  (I know, I'm making excuses already...)  So, here goes Day 1:

Flattering?  Nope.  :)  Not even a little.  But it's realistic.  It's after 9 pm...I'm on the couch...I'm exhausted, tired of fighting to get the kids in bed.  The morning started very early so we could get to church for my husband to make it to Praise Team practice (we were late, as usual).  It was 90 degrees and humid today so my asthma was bothering me and I had a migraine...add that to the fact I'm feeling very pregnant (i.e.: achy, tired, grumpy, huge, etc).  By 9:00, I'm lucky if my eyes are still open.  This third trimester is kicking my butt.   :)  I'll be thankful to go to bed.  Thankful to sleep (at least a little).  And very thankful for the beginning of new week. 

Dash Away...

Back in January, I signed up for the Warrior Dash race along with my husband, dad, and brother.  2 weeks later I found out I was pregnant.  That put an end to my Warrior training (but was the beginning of morning sickness, back ache, weight gain, and growing a whole new person).  So, I traded my registration for a whole load of baby stuff and my brother-in-law got to compete in my place. 

Today was the dash...and it must of have been 90 degrees and not a cloud in the sky.  (ugh!  too hot!)  We were able to cheer on the guys (everyone finished, completed all the obstacles and didn't get hurt!  Success!!) and take a few photos.  I ended up with my my first (and hopefully last) sunburn of the season.  And a chance to wear my husband's Warrior Dash Viking Helmet (all competitors get one). 

And yeah, I wore it to go pick up pizza and movies.  I was a big hit.   :)